Photo Shy
I was taking a candid picture of a group of people. They were all laughing and talking and I knew it would make a nice photo. So I do.
"Did you take my picture?" One of them says. Before I can say anything they begin to list of the reasons she didn't like pictures of her. She covered all the usual ones,
'I don't take good pictures.'
'No one ever gets my good side.'
'You might have caught me when I was eating.'
'Pictures always make me look like a bubbling cauldron of goo.' Okay, she didn't say that but it would be cool if she did. But she did throw out a new one.
"I think taking pictures is an invasion of privacy."
In a public place? With a dozen devices that can capture images a foot away from you? With me standing there in full view with a camera at my face?
The reasons went on and on way past the point of annoying. I mean, it took me two seconds to capture the image (a nice image, by the way. People would say, "Gee, those people sitting around that bubbling cauldron of goo seem to be having fun." when they saw it) and she went on for ninety seconds about it.
By the time she completed her litany I’d forgotten what we were talking about.
"Don't show it to anyone."
"It's actually good." I tell the truth. She looks fine. Everyone looks fine. The camera did what it was supposed to do, capture what you look like no matter what that visage is. It's not my fault your gene pool was full of algae. I bring the camera over to her.
"No, no, I've never been happy of a picture of me. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it." I shield the camera from potential harm. "Don't show it to anyone." The others in the photo express dismay.
"I'll tell you what. I won't show this picture to anyone until you approve it."
"I'll never do that."
"I guarantee I'll send you a photo with you in it you will not object to."
"I don't believe it."
"You'll see." I get her email address and plan on sending a picture later. I go around and snap a few more pictures with her bird dogging me the entire time .Everyone once in a while I'd pretend to take a picture of her when she was distracted. I probably ruined her night.
Good.
Cameras are everywhere. There are so many shots of you taken during the day it's astounding. Then you get everyone with their cellphones taking pictures all the time and the opportunity to have a graven image of you is highly likely. So if you don't want pictures taken of you I'm pretty sure your only real option is to avoid people and stay indoors. It'll help everyone else too because, trust me, we all hate the person who, right after a picture is taken, says,
"I hate pictures of me."
It's annoying and you erased a pleasant moment for everyone else with your passive aggressive bullshit. Here's some advice, don't want pictures taken of you? Be the one taking the pictures. That way you're not being a killjoy and are actually doing something for people who may not think they look like a troglodytes afterbirth.
I get to my office the next day, empty the contents of the camera onto the computer and go about sending them to the respective people. I dig the photo negative persons email out of my notebook and send her one picture. The subject line read:
Guaranteed.
Then I wrote,
Hi, I'm found a picture you're in that, because of many factors, I'm sure you won't find objectionable.
Then I sent her this.
Turns out she found that highly objectionable.
